Digesting Life

(Digesting Life is Part 3 of Garbage In-Garbage Out, first published on July 18, 2009)


In Chinese medicine digesting your life experience is akin to digesting food. The same processes take place. The experience that you “take in” should be digested and transformed into something useful for your life. To take in without transforming it into something useful is a recipe for unnecessary accumulation. (You’ve met people who know a lot but can’t do anything with it!)

On the non-food front, the following will help you “digest” your life experiences:
1. Do one thing at a time. Multi-tasking may make you think you are important, but it often leads to lack of focus, inattention to detail, forgetting and other mental lapses, more fatigue, feelings of worry that you forgot something important, and other symptoms of “under-digestion” of your thought processes.

2. Think of others as well as yourself. Being stingy and being overly-giving are two sides of the same coin. The goal is balance. Remember the airline’s advice: If the masks fall from the ceiling, put yours on first and then attend to your seat partner. If we don’t care for the soil, then the soil won’t grow our food. It’s a simple equation that works in many ways. If you have an important job, children, pets, or you take care of other things that you value, then taking care of yourself becomes even more important.

3. Appreciate what others try to do for you. Even though it may not be the perfect thing, try to say thank you---genuinely and from the heart. People do the very best they can, even if it’s not exactly right for you.

4. Savor life. Whether the life experience is going to the grocery store, or filling the car with gas, appreciate the sights, smells, feelings that go with the event. (My dog taught me this when I realized that a trip to the county dump was as exciting as going to the park.) Life should “taste great”.

5. Take care of your own needs. If the restaurant seats you at the table under the vent, and you don’t like the draft on your neck, ask to be moved. If you are going to an all-day meeting, will a pillow make those hard chairs more bearable? Ask for a break in the action if your butt falls asleep. Taking a snack might help you if you tend to get ravenous by mid-afternoon. Acknowledge what it takes for life to be comfortable for you, and provide your own self-care. If you don’t take care of yourself, no one else will, and you will then end up resenting it. One of my clients speaks about being treated as a child by his wife, when she tells him what to do. Then, he complains that she didn’t remind him to take his medicine. This is a no win situation for this man. Accept the responsibility that is yours.

6. Do a “gratitude journal.” I won’t take credit for this. I heard about it from Oprah, and she requested that, daily, we fill out one page listing the things we are grateful for. There HAS to be something listed every day. This was an eye opener for me and for my clients who are surrounded with blessings but don’t take the time or energy to absorb, or even notice them. It is revealing when you are feeling empty, bereft, or otherwise “malnourished by life” that you can be walking past a full buffet of life’s nourishment and complaining about hunger simply because you don’t see what’s in front of you.

7. In the balance between giving and receiving, know when you are doing too much of either one, and not enough of the other. If you give too much and end up resenting it, you become an angry doormat. If you take too much and don’t give back, you risk alienating others, and being seen as needy (and worse!). Balancing giving and receiving is an art that takes consciousness and some work.